It Is Well 

I’m sitting here in the waiting room of my doctors office and I’m the youngest one here. 

There’s oxygen tanks all around me and wheelchairs. Coughs and sneezes. I feel as if I can hear the older gentleman’s watch clicking next to me. 

I’m nervous.

On Friday I was having some serious tenderness in my left breast. Mind you, I’m 23 in 4 days and I feel like my boobs finally made an appearance in my life. So I thought maybe I’m finally feeling those growing pains.. come on B cup! Or maybe I’m feeling pain because I was supposed to take a pregnancy test that following day. OR maybe I was feeling Mother Nature taunting me letting me know the next week of my life was going to be lame and bloated. 

I felt where the tenderness was and I felt a lump. Now granted that I have never really had much of a chest to begin with so  I didn’t think much of the hardened tissue I felt. But then I had my husband feel and he said he definitely felt I was talking about. Once he pressed on the area I jumped because the pain felt like lightning bolts shooting out of my nipple and down my body. (Sorry I’m graphic but I’m being honest here). I checked the right side and I didn’t feel anything like the left. 

So I had Anthony compare as well and he agreed. I felt like that was odd but I wasn’t too sure and I felt like I should know my body better than that. But I also know that I couldn’t be too careful and getting checked out wasn’t a terrible idea. That next day I made an appointment for the following Monday, waiting the whole weekend out while wondering “what if’s.” 

Like “what if” I do have a lump and it needs to be further evaluated? “What if” God is giving me a curveball here before He makes me a mother? “What if” it’s nothing and I’m overreacting to a little bit of breast tissue? 

I woke up this morning anxious but also somehow calmed. I listened to It Is Well by Bethel Music and I just sat in silence as the words wrapped me up in their arms. Embracing me with, 

“Far be it for me to not believe. Even when my eyes can’t see. And this mountain that’s in front of me. Will be thrown into the midst of the sea. And through it all, my eyes are on you. And through it all, it is well Lord.” 

And I know that no matter what happened at my appointment today, it was ok. I was ok. So here I am sitting here in a gown and typing this to you all. Letting you know how I’m feeling in this exact moment. 

The exam itself went well but the lumps did concern my doctor. When she pushed on them, again I felt the lightning bolt shoot out of me. It was this uncomfortable feeling like I’ve never had before. 

She ordered a diagnostic mammogram and an ultrasound and I plan to have these done ASAP. I’m unsure really how I feel. On one hand I feel uneasy and somewhat nervous. But on the other hand I feel at peace and knowing that I’m ok. 

All in all, I’m putting my prayers in the Lord and going with whatever He throws my way. 

I didn’t post this for anyone to be concerned. I just wanted to let you all know what is going on in my life currently and how I’m feeling with this. 


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