Have I not commanded you? Be strong + of good courage; do not be afraid, nor be dismayed for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.
I am afraid of everything it seems.
- Being Alone
- Going places alone
- Home alone – definitely imagine myself having to booby-trap my house like the movie
- Being without Anthony – not necessarily a relationship in general, but being without my husband is enough to send me into shock
- Not having any friends
- Clowns, masks (unless it’s to help this poor 13 year old going through puberty again skin), mascots – like please don’t hug me Dinger, I’m just here trying to watch some baseball without having a heart attack
- Crowded Places
- Touristy areas : I hardly travel
- The mall – but for some reason I love a good Black Friday people watching scenario
- Airports – going through security, waiting for my luggage and feeling like I’m in the way, the whole nine yards
- Grocery Store – when I count out my exact change and I feel like the person behind me is practically in my pocket
- Being kidnapped: so many people find this to be a real annoyance, but I like to think I’m just overally cautious and prepared
But then I think about how sad of a life that is. I literally can’t enjoy doing things sometimes because I’m constantly afraid of my surroundings or I’m afraid that people are looking at me. Which most likely they are definitely checking out my cute friends (here’s your shout out ladies!) And being this afraid, makes me feel pathetic.
Like what do I have to fear?
This isn’t the part where I quote, “We have nothing to fear except fear itself.” No, no, no.
Why can other people travel the entire world all by themselves but going to the bank drive-thru by myself makes me itchy with anxiousness.
(Do I need a Xanax or whaaaaaa)
Then I start to think about how badly I want to be a mom — and how I can’t be constantly timid if I have to run into a Walgreens late at night to get my baby what they need, because i will have to get them what they need.
Or how can I be a strong + confident woman if I’m scared of everyone? That’s just it, I stand no chance.
I look up to Sadie Robertson from Duck Dynasty with all of my heart. She is f e a r l e s s + she stands firm in the Lord giving her a spirit of courage and not of fear. She knows the Lord is with her wherever she goes, so whom shall she fear? She even tattooed the word fearless on her arm to be her constant reminder.
I want to be fearless. Fearlessly living for the Lord. Fearlessly living in my life so that I can see and experience new things to become a better me.