First you were a dream that came to life through baby dolls.
Then you were a slight fear during my teen years.
Once your dad and I met, you became a constant prayer.
After multiple negative pregnancy tests, you became something that felt unreachable and unattainable.
But now, as I feel you move more and more in my belly, you are a dream come true. A fear that is no longer and has become excitement. You are an answered prayer. You are reachable and attainable because nothing is impossible through the Lord Jesus Christ and hope.
You are my baby and I am your mother.
There are moments when I have to remind myself of this. There are moments I become frustrated that I can’t fit into my high waisted shorts this summer and I have to put on maternity ones instead. Where the band around my belly practically goes up to my shoulders and I have to get things in bigger sizes. I feel rather large some days as I watch my belly button slowly pop out and ribs that used to show, fade away under the bump. My boobs are actually boobs now. Something I never thought I’d ever have under my shirts (all my itty-bitty-titty friends can understand I’m sure.) I have the linea nigra from my belly button down and I thought that would bother me, but the darker it gets the more I find that I love it. My back hurts more frequently and my feet have hit the point of swelling after a day of work. My underarm hair grows at the speed of light and I’ve been finding some dark patches of skin randomly. My face acne finally cleared (hallelujah amen!) but it moved to my shoulders so that’s kind of a bummer. I cry randomly and I pee my pants when I sneeze. I’m starving but get full really fast. I don’t like the smell of turkey bacon but I love when your dad makes me breakfast burritos for dinner. I’m also a regular at Aztecas now and they should sponsor this Pregnancy. You LOVE enchiladas and Chile rellenos and I’m perfectly ok eating them everyday for you if I could. So again, Aztecas.. sponsor me please. Help a sister curb her cravings.
You are my baby and I’m your mother.
My body has changed and I used to fear the idea of being “bigger.” When you’ve been the “skinny” girl all your life, you get a little freaked by the rising numbers on the scale. I used to think that I’d look in the mirror and be very discouraged by the image looking back. I thought “there is no way I’m going to be able to gain 20+ pounds during pregnancy.” The idea of stretch marks used to freak me out or loose skin in places. I have always been extremely self conscious with my outer appearance. But for you, (in a healthy manner of course), I would do whatever I could to help my body be the perfect home for you to grow in.
I have never felt more beautiful and more empowered than I do when I see this belly in the mirror and especially when I feel you move inside. You are the dream I’ve had from the youngest of ages.
Thank you for making me a mother and thank you for our quiet moments together when you move to the sound of my voice alone.
See you in August, Luke.